What if Martin Luther King Jr had said "It is what it is"?

Life has a peculiar way of presenting us with situations that feel out of our control—whether it’s a frustrating work issue, an unfortunate turn of events, or even something as simple as a rainy day ruining our plans. When faced with such moments, many of us find comfort in saying, “It is what it is.” This phrase is often used to mask discomfort with a reality we don’t feel equipped to change.

In this exploration, we will challenge the very resignation that the phrase suggests, examining the value of questioning, opposing, or transforming what “is.” Along the way, we’ll reflect on other such phrases that embody resignation, offer counter-options for more empowering language, and incorporate perspectives from both children and adults on how they might interpret this phrase. Ultimately, the goal is to shift from passive acceptance to active possibility.

A Blanket of Resignation

At first glance, “it is what it is” feels practical, almost philosophical. Things happen, life is unpredictable, and there’s no use crying over spilled milk, right? The phrase is a way to communicate acceptance of reality, and often, that’s necessary. We can’t control everything, and sometimes life throws us lemons with no sugar in sight to make lemonade. But the problem with this phrase is that it often serves as a conversation-ender, a way to deflect from deeper reflection or action. It’s the verbal equivalent of shrugging your shoulders and walking away, satisfied with defeat. Sometimes, that’s fine, but other times, shouldn’t we ask: Should it be what it is?

Consider the fight for civil rights. What if Martin Luther King Jr. had responded to segregation with, “It is what it is”? The movement that changed the course of history might never have gained momentum. Challenging what “is” has often been the catalyst for societal transformation. The same could be said for scientific advancements. The great minds of history, from Galileo to Einstein, refused to accept prevailing assumptions. Had they succumbed to “it is what it is,” many of humanity’s greatest achievements would never have been realized. Even on a personal level, too much acceptance of the status quo can prevent individuals from improving their lives. Whether it’s staying in an unfulfilling job, settling in an unhealthy relationship, or putting off that dream project, resignation can be a silent thief of progress.

Challenging the Status Quo: When It Isn’t What It Seems

While “it is what it is” seems to offer a way to move past discomfort, it can close the door to solutions that challenge the existing reality. The phrase invites an acceptance of the present without considering the possibility of change. Instead of simply resigning ourselves, what if we reframed the narrative?

One phrase that provides a counterpoint is “where there’s a will, there’s a way.” This alternative reminds us that effort and determination can create new outcomes, even in the face of adversity. “Be the change you wish to see in the world,” attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, also challenges the passive stance of “it is what it is,” urging individuals to take responsibility for change rather than wait for it to happen. These empowering phrases encourage action rather than resignation.

It’s worth considering how such language affects our mindset. The phrase “if wishes were horses, beggars would ride”, emphasizes the futility of mere wishing. It suggests that while desire is not enough to change a situation, action is the true agent of transformation. This saying implies that wishes alone do not lead to improvement, but it also serves as a prompt to move beyond wishful thinking into action. If we let ourselves dwell in wishful thinking without any intent to take action, we are, in effect, resigning ourselves to, “it is what it is.”

A Parable to Ponder: The Farmer and the Horse

Consider this ancient Chinese parable about fate and perspective. A farmer’s horse runs away, and the villagers say, “Such bad luck!” The farmer shrugs and replies, “Maybe.” Days later, the horse returns with a herd of wild horses, and the villagers declare, “How fortunate!” Again, the farmer responds, “Maybe.” Later, the farmer’s son tries to tame one of the wild horses, only to be thrown off and break his leg. The villagers, once more, offer their condolences: “Such bad luck!” To which the farmer replies, “Maybe.” Soon after, soldiers come to the village to draft young men for war, but the farmer’s son is spared because of his broken leg.

The parable teaches that circumstances are not always as they seem, and what appears to be resignation can sometimes be wise patience. But notice the difference: the farmer doesn’t resign himself with “it is what it is”; he remains open to possibility, waiting to see how the situation unfolds before passing judgment.

Another example can be found in the ancient Greek myth of Sisyphus. Condemned to roll a boulder up a hill for eternity, only for it to roll back down each time he neared the top, Sisyphus might be the ultimate symbol of “it is what it is.” But as philosopher Albert Camus suggests, Sisyphus is not necessarily defeated by his fate. Instead, he finds meaning in his struggle. The lesson here? Even when we cannot change our circumstances, we can find ways to challenge them—whether through perseverance or through finding meaning in the challenge itself.

How the Phrase Looks Through Different Eyes

If you ask a child what “it is what it is” means, they’re likely to see the world very differently than an adult would. For children, the world is full of endless possibilities, wonder, and imagination. The phrase would likely baffle them: Why must things stay the way they are? Kids have a way of questioning everything, from why the sky is blue to why certain rules exist, and it’s this very questioning that leads to growth and change.

Children’s eyes don’t yet have the weight of resignation that adulthood often brings. To them, “it is what it is” sounds like giving up too easily. After all, if wishes were horses, why wouldn’t the beggars just ride them?

On the other hand, adults, having been through the wringer of life’s ups and downs, might see the phrase as a survival mechanism. For an adult, “it is what it is” often translates into, “I’ve fought this battle before, and I’m too tired to fight again.” Adulthood can bring a sense of practicality, where acceptance becomes a way to conserve energy for battles that truly matter. But even adults must ask themselves: Am I using this phrase because it’s appropriate, or because it’s easier?

Similar Phrases That Encourage Resignation

“It is what it is” is part of a broader family of phrases that encourage a passive acceptance of reality. Here are a few others that might ring familiar:

“That’s just how it goes”: This phrase suggests that life has an inherent unpredictability, and that there’s no point in getting upset over things you can’t control. While it may soothe anxiety in some situations, it also has the potential to become a crutch for avoiding responsibility.

“What’s done is done”: Another resignation-laden phrase, this one can be particularly harmful when used to dismiss unresolved problems. Yes, the past is unchangeable, but the consequences of the past are still very much alive.

“Que sera, sera” (Whatever will be, will be): This famous line from the Doris Day song sounds harmless enough, but it can also encourage a hands-off approach to life. While there are certainly things outside of our control, we shouldn’t adopt a passive stance on everything that comes our way. (You can stop singing now)

“Such is life”: This one is used to brush off bad luck or circumstances as inevitable parts of life. But again, while some things are indeed beyond our control, this phrase tends to encourage a passive approach to handling challenges.

While these phrases can offer comfort in times of helplessness, they can also reinforce the idea that some things can never be changed—even when they can. The key is knowing when to accept and when to fight.

When “It Is What It Is” Works—and When It Doesn’t

There are, of course, moments when “it is what it is” serves a valuable purpose. Sometimes, we face situations that truly cannot be changed—death, illness, the actions of others—and acceptance becomes a form of healing. This notion is captured in the Serenity Prayer, which asks for the wisdom to know the difference between the things we can change and those we cannot. In these cases, acceptance brings peace, allowing us to focus our energy on things within our control. Yet, even in these instances, it’s important to distinguish between what we truly cannot change and what we simply believe is unchangeable.

In relationships, for instance, “it is what it is” might be used to explain away someone’s bad behavior or lack of effort. But should it? Does this phrase encourage us to tolerate mediocrity, or even mistreatment, because it’s easier to accept than confront? We should ask ourselves: Am I using this phrase to avoid taking action?

Similarly, in social contexts, the phrase can be used to explain why systems of inequality, injustice, or unfairness persist. But those systems don’t change by themselves. They are what they are—until someone decides they aren’t.

Moving Beyond Resignation

Sometimes, things simply are what they are, and it’s healthy to accept that. In a world full of uncertainties and uncontrollable circumstances, having the ability to accept life’s unchangeable aspects can indeed be freeing. But there are moments when we must pause and ask ourselves: Are we truly dealing with the unchangeable, or are we allowing ourselves to slip into resignation too easily? When we say “it is what it is,” we should stop and ask a more important question: Is it really? Or have we simply given up without trying?

Moving beyond resignation means recognizing that while acceptance is essential, so too is the drive to challenge the things we can change. If you find yourself in a situation where “it is what it is” feels like surrender, it might be time to shift your perspective. Let’s explore how to reframe your mindset and then take a step further with actionable alternatives.

Reframing Your Thinking

Reframing your thinking is about changing your internal perspective before you decide to act—or not. It’s about challenging the first reaction of passive acceptance and viewing things through a new lens.

“What can I do to change this?”: This simple question shifts your mindset from resignation to exploration. Instead of immediately accepting a situation as unchangeable, asking yourself this opens the door to possibilities—no matter how small they may be.

“It is what it is—for now”: Adding a sense of temporality reminds us that just because something is one way today doesn’t mean it will always be that way. This reframe encourages us to look at the current situation as a stepping stone, not a permanent condition.

“I’ll make the best of it”: Sometimes, acceptance is necessary, but that doesn’t mean giving up. This phrase embodies resilience and adaptability. You may accept the reality in front of you, but you do so with a determination to find ways to thrive within that reality.

Proactive Alternatives to Resignation

Once you’ve reframed your thinking, the next step is action. Rather than simply shifting your perspective, these proactive alternatives offer specific ways to challenge resignation by encouraging forward movement.

“What can I do to change it?”: This shifts the focus from internal reflection to action. It’s no longer about just seeing the situation differently but actively looking for ways to make a difference. Whether it’s small steps or bigger moves, this question encourages a shift from passive acceptance to problem-solving.

“Let’s see if there’s another way”: This phrase is about creativity and innovation. It keeps the door open for fresh ideas and solutions, promoting a mindset of optimism and a belief that alternatives always exist—even when they’re not immediately visible.

“It may be what it is, but it doesn’t have to stay that way”: This is a powerful blend of acceptance and forward-thinking. While acknowledging the present situation, it also embraces the possibility of change in the future. It’s an empowering reminder that nothing is permanent, and there’s always room for growth or improvement.

“What lessons can I take from this?”: Even in situations where change is difficult or impossible, focusing on what you can learn turns resignation into an opportunity for growth. Asking this question shifts the perspective from defeat to a learning experience. By focusing on lessons, you build resilience and prepare yourself to handle similar challenges differently in the future.

It Is What You Make It

So, is “it is what it is” a harmless phrase, or a subtle trap? The answer depends on how we use it. In situations where we truly cannot change the outcome—where the universe is beyond our control— “it is what it is” can offer comfort, a way to let go of what we cannot influence. But when it comes to things within our power to change, perhaps it’s time to rethink this phrase and adopt something more empowering.

At its best, “it is what it is” helps us accept life’s unchangeable aspects, like the weather, the past, or certain circumstances that we simply cannot alter. But we must be cautious of letting this phrase creep into areas where change is possible—where the status quo can and should be challenged. Maybe we should instead say, “it is what it is, except when it isn’t,” because life, after all, is often what we make of it.

One story beautifully illustrates the power of challenging resignation. The tale of the young girl and the starfish provides a touching example of how small acts of defiance against “it is what it is” can have far-reaching effects. As the story goes, a young girl is walking along a beach covered in thousands of stranded starfish, throwing them back into the sea one by one. An older man approaches her and says, “You can’t possibly make a difference. There are too many starfish.” The girl pauses, picks up another starfish, tosses it into the ocean, and replies, “It made a difference to that one.”

This parable serves as a powerful reminder: we may not be able to change everything, but the actions we take, no matter how small, can make a meaningful impact. The girl didn’t solve the larger problem of all the stranded starfish, but she didn’t let that stop her from doing what she could. Her small gesture became a symbol of hope, action, and the refusal to accept things as they are. Change doesn’t have to be all-encompassing to matter—sometimes, small victories are enough to alter the course of things.

At the end of the day, “it is what it is” has its place. It can help us accept realities we cannot control. But there are many times in life when things aren’t set in stone, and challenging that phrase can lead to growth, improvement, and meaningful change. We should look at the world through the eyes of a child more often, asking why things are the way they are and whether we can make them better.

So, the next time someone tells you “It is what it is,” ask yourself: Is it really? Or could it be something more, something better, if only you dared to question it? Because sometimes, when it isn’t what it is, it’s exactly what you make of it.

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